The Battle for My Attention

I find myself glued to the screen. Looking, watching, waiting. I read the comments. I see what people are saying to each other. I feel the pain, the hatred, the sadness, and the pride. I feel my focus and attention moving from what I have control over to arenas I have no experience in and little say into how things should or actually work.

I see the world showing its true colors and it demands my allegiance, focus, and attention. If I don’t say something, I don’t care. If I don’t speak up, I have no voice. If I don’t show up now, it’s too late. The world is demanding; the sacrifices it expects are to be offered in real-time, all the time.

The battle is for my attention. To take me from where I can thrive and make a difference, and to send me into a fight I’m not prepared for. The battle is for my focus. To take me away from providing for my family, caring for my friends, and educating my students. The battle is for my mind. To flood my thoughts with things I must have an immediate opinion on. The battle is for my intelligence. I must deny what is true in order to find acceptance. The battle is for my ignorance. I must be educated in what is going on because the world does not sleep when I do. The battle is for my freedom. I am not afraid of a physical wall. What scares me are the walls around my heart, the walls around my mind, the walls that make me blind, deaf, and dumb to the emotions of others.

The battle is for my attention. And I am losing.